A friend and I were recently discussing an emotion that we've both been recently struggling with - jealousy. I'm not sure I had been jealous (at least in my adult life) before this. If someone's life looked better than mine, I'd take it as a signal that I needed to make my own life better, and figure out a way to do just that. But sometimes there are simply circumstances that are beyond your influence. I regularly read blogs written by people dealing with infertility, and this particular emotion often plays a supporting role there. (While I'm not going to get too detailed here, I will clarify that infertility is not what's causing my woes.)
I don't think you get much guidance on how to cope with this when you are growing up. Sesame Street does not seem to have ever done a skit on what to do if you want someone else's ice cream cone. I suppose Mr. Rogers (and I've always liked his show better than Sesame Street) would tell me to be happy with what I have. And I try. But sometimes that doesn't work very well, so then I just aim for distraction.
4 comments:
hahaha - we all feel jealousy! I try to remind myself of all the reasons why I made the decisions that lead to whatever has caused my life not to have the thing of which I am jealous. Usually I can see through this exercise I'd have to give up a lot more to get the thing causing the jealousy than I am actually willing to part with.
If not, then maybe I need to figure out how to make a change.
Yes that's a tough one as there is always someone somewhere in a better situation. Eventually inner peace is an issue that takes a fair amount of time to achieve. I find focusing on the vast amount of the world that has it so much worse than I allows me to maintain a proper balance of appreciation and gratitude.
Hmm. Those are both good answers. I like to wallow in my jealousy and feel bad about myself. (Both for not having the whatever and for not doing anything about it and then for feeling jealousy period)
ha ha ha kidding. sort of.
I try to sit with the jealousy. For three days. I've found that it is not healthy nor productive to deny your emotions. However, it seems self-indulgent to wallow in them for too long, and also unproductive.
I try to acknowledge it, then figure out what is causing it, then try to change whatever it is that I can change about the situation, and try to accept those things that I have no control over.
The Japanese have a saying:
私は制御を有しない。
which, kind of means "I have no control." Of course that is not always true, but sometimes useful to think.
Of, course, they also have a saying:
ぼくの頭の上にウサギがいるの？
which means, "Is there a rabbit on my head?"
There is a great book "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching" that has helped me through some tough times and negative, trapping emotions...you may like it...I'll lend it to you if you're interested!
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